I recently found myself looking at the scattered carcasses of all of the projects1 I’ve abandoned (or, more accurately, paused) over the years with a sigh.
If only I’d committed to spending all of my spare hours over the last decade to one thing: writing or embroidery or coding or harmonica or photography or one of the many podcast projects. If I’d just focused instead of dabbling in all of those things like an ADD chihuahua, I’d be an expert in something by now. I just wasn’t quiiiiite good enough at anything I’d allowed myself to become distracted by.
Then I asked myself why I was giving myself such a hard time about this. I already have completed embroidery projects as gifts for friends (see below). I love my AI-powered graphic novel, and stand by in my advice in my marriage guidebook for expats (and still intend to publish a sequel for friendship, someday!). Most importantly, I’d had a blast working on all of these things.
So… good enough for what, exactly?
UH OH. I’d fallen into the Trap of the Prospective Side Hustle.
American (& internet) culture strongly encourages us to value our interests and hobbies by how commercially viable they might be, and I have obviously internalized this perspective without realizing it.
Because the truth is that I am a virtuoso, S-tier— whatever you want to call it— at something. I’m a truly skilled reader: I read like Vonnegut’s Tralfamadorians, essentially absorbing prose straight from the page like a piece of tissue on an ink blot. And yet, I never included reading on my list of accomplishments, despite the fact that I am always devouring at least two or three books at any given time.2 It hit me that this is probably because this particular skill has zero potential commercial viability. It doesn’t directly do anything but make me happy.
The Trap of the Prospective Side Hustle goes something like this:
I like this thing.
I’m good at this thing!
I should share this thing with the broader world. <— note that this is not the problematic bit. Community engagement is important and undervalued!
While I’m sharing this thing with the broader world, I may as well make some money at it. <— theeeere it is. This is when the insidious poison starts to creep in.
That means I need to have a dedicated page/site/shop just for this thing, because no one wants to hear about my newfound interest in mechanical keyboards if I’m ostensibly writing about living in Italy.
I need to post something every day or two to keep people engaged. content, Content, CONTENT!
Buuuuut I’m not into this enough to only think/write/share about this. I mean, what about my photography??
*abandons instagram/substack/etc*
Rinse & repeat
Or, if you prefer, here it is in comic form3:
I don’t regret any of what I call my dalliances or the time I gave to them. I don’t make jewelry anymore, but I did have a blast making Rosequartz + Garnetstone Are Dead. I haven’t updated it in a long time, but I haven’t lost my interest in sharing obscure women of history and/or legend. I love style & clothing and wish my approach to packing minimally & stylishly for long term travel or my new approach to clothing postpartum had a place to live. Speaking of, I gave birth to our daughter nearly twelve weeks ago; where can I organize my thoughts on pregnancy and parenting? Because damn, do I have a lot of them.
As such, this substack is no longer Utopia Italia. It’s not (only) about Italy, though of course that subject will come up a lot. It’s just me, organized under the one term that has applied to me for better or for worse since I first used it in an AIM screenname circa 2004: dilettante.
I hope you’ll stick around and more than that— engage in conversation if something sparks your interest. Historical costuming, anyone?
x ash
Ashlinn’s Graveyard of Paused Passions
Rosequartz + Garnetstone Are Dead (jewelry)
she existed. (Women of history/legend podcast)
Exfloorwithme (instagram about floors. I actually still take pictures of floors; I just don’t post them.)
P.D.A. - Public Display of Art (print & book shop)
Rhymes.with.witch (embroidery)
Harmonstrosity (harmonica)
2voice1booth (voiceover)
LaCoppiaUtopia (essays & instagram on Italy)
Smells Like Quarantine Spirit (pandemic podcast)
Smash.styles (fashion)
So You Think You Might Die Someday (app)
One friend of mine says I’m excellent at naming things. I think he’s right, if you’re into puns.
It’s important to me to note that I absolutely do not value book consumption in terms of sheer volume, but in the combination of the quality of the book & the comprehension of said book. My gift is to be able to read well and quickly. Yay for me.
In case you were wondering, creating little comics has also been a hobby of mine for years. All recent ones are created in Canva using whatever I can plunder from their repository.